Dear Body of Christ, this may not apply to everyone, but everyone should understand. I am tired of caring what others think about my body. What I mean is, “I” feel like others care (within the Church specifically) about how fat, or thin, or bald, or short, or healthy, or unhealthy, or poor, or rich, … that I appear. In other words, I am still insecure about what others think of my appearance. And I am confessing it to you. I still care how I look. I still care about what judgments you may make about my appearance. For instance, what if you notice I gained weight? If you know my story or are familiar with OCD, or exercise/eating disorders you will know what I am talking about. Let me ask you, do you care what others think of your appearance? If you notice above, I wrote: “specifically within the Church.” Now, you may ask, why would I feel different about how a Christian sees me compared to a non-Christian. The answer is, I only care about “fitting in” there. I strongly desire for the Body-of-Christ to reflect back to me … and here it is: “That the outer, perishing, temporal, Clay Pot” is nothing more to you than a Vessel which holds the glory of God inside it! There it is, I said it. But this is not the first time I have said it. For years this has been my message to the Church. But today I am confessing that I am still struggling with the issue. I am still insecure. And I absolutely hate that it matters to me, or to any child made of God. Who, being born of God, being born from Heaven, being a New Creation, being not of this world, awaiting the imperishable body from above, and who are called to “fix” our minds not on this world, but above. Who are called to set our hearts on things above, not on the perishable things of earth. Do you “hear” me? So, here is my request from God today, and until it happens: “Lord, take me to where my body size, shape, and appearance don’t matter.”
My wife pointed something interesting out. She said, “you do know it is only an American/European thing really?” I said yes, and then she went on to point out how right now in the Church within Ukraine this subject matters to no one! And I acknowledged that. But this has been our discussion for years. And ONLY because we can focus on the material and temporal do we. It is only because we have so much and do not have to concern ourselves with where our next meal will come from, or whether we are going to live through the night, that we concern ourselves with vanity and that which will perish eventually. An interesting thing which has happened to me over the years, due to my sensitivity to this issue of “the body,” is that I am very aware of (as are others) that there has been, and there still is, a focus on the scientific, and more specifically, the medical health of the human body. Now, I totally understand the concern of the unsaved individual regarding this. For “Humanism” is all they are living for. They are living for today alone. They have no hope or Savior. All they have to worship is their bodies. But when 2020 came, something deep within the greater Body-of-Christ throughout our first world nations began to surface. Do you know what it was? It was fear. It had been a hidden fear. But when the threat came it exposed what was just beneath the surface. It revealed to me what people had been reading, listening to, and watching during the years leading up to 2020. In other words, it revealed to me that the majority of Christians within the United States had Humanistic beliefs in place of a Christian Worldview. Meaning, for years they had been putting their trust in their body and the health of it, and in how long they could live in this wicked and depraved generation. It was truly eye-opening! Now, a Christian could say “is there anything wrong with taking care of my health?” And my answer is, yes. But why? The problem is found in the question posed. Tell me, Who do you belong to? And where is your home? And, Who has purchased your entire life for Himself? And so, Who’s responsibility are you? Did the Lord call us to worry about our health? Honestly, I am 100% convinced He would say “finally, you transferred the responsibility to the ONLY One capable of truly taking care of you in the first place.” And in all honesty, this is my effort to practice living every single day of my life down here. But sometimes, like today, I felt my insecurity rising up. And I was reminded I still struggle. And the only thing I can scream at the top of my lungs is “LORD, make my body a “non-issue.” Those two times I was in treatment for my exercise/eating disorder I was so free. I was free to feel accepted. Because everyone there also understood the great amount of daily pain and anxiety that goes into trying to perfect an imperfect body. And as you dig down deep to get at the roots of the fear, you come to realize this fear is a control issue regarding our health, whatever that “health” may look like to an individual. However, the fear can live dormant in most people, simply because nothing has caused it to surface … yet. But, when 2020 came what got exposed? Well, any child of God who is afraid of being vulnerable, or who is carrying around pride in their heart, will refuse to acknowledge they were “afraid,” and that that is why they responded the way they did. Either they were legitimately afraid, or they were afraid of being rejected by the World, or by others. But at the root, it was fear leading the way. When one recognizes that it was fear then they must ask “Why am I afraid and what am I afraid of?”
Well, whatever you think of this post, remember to pray for me about this issue. Also, please notice something: The material, scientific, medical, temporal, and physical realm is not to take priority, and is not to be the focus, nor the deciding factor in our daily life. Simply because we are NOT our own. We BELONG to God. And our citizenship is in Heaven. Come, Lord Jesus, come.
Aletheia: Truth in the Darkness 