The photo on the front of this post explains how I began to live. It says, “HE KNOWS YOU; HE LOVES YOU. TRUST HIM! STEP OUT! FAITH NOT SIGHT! DON’T LOOK BACK. MOVE FORWARD. LOVE HER. LOVE THEM. SHOW GRACE” Multiple times a day, every day I see this written on the mirror. Next to it I have a paper which gives biblical reminders of my identity in Christ found in the scriptures. And all around our house I have things which I have written at various points in this journey of “learning how to live” hanging on the walls. Years ago, I began doing this. So that every day I can read these, which are hanging in almost every room in the house, as reminders of the truth regarding who God is, and who I am in relation to Him, and what my priorities are to be.
If I did not physically see reminders in front of me throughout the day, every day, I would have quickly forgotten these truths and gone back to living with compulsive fears to direct the steps of my path. Even though I had a close relationship with the Lord and with my family, the daily patterns of fear which would consume my thinking would quickly take over, whenever I was not looking up to heaven in prayer and after my time in the Word each day. Therefore, as long as I was talking to the Lord, in intimate quality time and reflecting on His glory and His Word, or listening to something which was drawing my attention to His glory and His Word then I was able to live.
Some people believe that all mental illness, and every “disorder” is of Satan and is Satanic. As in, the individual must “have a demon influencing them.” Yes, there are demonic forces which can manipulate and can use the weakness of an individual’s disorder to influence them. However, I have yet to witness or hear of anyone who benefited overall from that perspective. Usually, they end up just continuing to “rebuke Satan” over and over and live isolated, depressed, and paranoid lives. But as I have discovered, when one is able by God’s grace, and through faith (through “faith” as in, they must trust God in this process!) to “transfer” their struggle/condition over to the responsibility of the LORD they can find hope to live and freedom to rest in Him! However, before any of this can happen, a person must deeply believe the TRUTH. What I mean is they must believe this about themselves and their God: “HE KNOWS YOU; HE LOVES YOU. TRUST HIM! STEP OUT! FAITH NOT SIGHT! DON’T LOOK BACK. MOVE FORWARD.” They must believe that as they “step out of the boat to walk on the water, that Jesus hand WILL be there!” And they must have support from others who love them!
So, that is what I did. I believed, had faith, because the Word of God said, “faith can move mountains”; And the Word of God said, “that nothing is impossible to the one who believes”; and the Word of God said, “if you ask anything according to God’s will, you will receive it.” And many other verses I could point to which say that “faith combined with God’s will” can do supernatural things. But first we must be convinced God can and will do it (according to the book of James). And that He will be glorified in doing it. So, I gathered some brothers around me to lay hands on me and we asked God to do it. And I left from that two-hour prayer session convinced that I had received the thing which I had asked for, in Jesus’ name! Though I did not “feel” any different. But it became truly clear the next couple of days that I and everything about my life had changed. First off, I had “hope” and “peace” and “assurance” that I was no longer directing anything in my life. That God was glorified in taking the complete responsibility for everything and all I had to do, or “was privileged in doing” was to wake every day and “walk with Him” in fellowship. And He took care of my burden of “anxious obsessive paralyzing fear” every single day. All I “get” to do now, is enjoy Him. And every day, as I spend time with Him, my brain/mind is being renewed so that I am daily increasing in moving through life freer and with peace that there is nothing the Lord is asking me to do, at any time, which will create the experience which I had been freed of back on that day praying with my brothers. So, it is a beautiful, freeing experience to have the knowledge that I am not being asked by God to do many of the things which so many other Christian’s are doing. He may be asking them to carry something, or to deny something. But the thing is…I did all that. And until someone fully denies this world, and themselves, and steps into walking with God daily and continually, they will never be unburdened and will continue striving to deny things. I am NOT saying I am sin free. Or that I am perfect. It has nothing to do with that. I am saying I am no longer mine. I am Christ’s. I am His responsibility. I carry nothing now. But if someone wants this freedom. They may need to first, reject this world. And be rejected by many. And willing to not be understood. And be content with fellowship with the Lord much of the time. They may need to give up everything and be willing to “step out of the boat with both feet on top of the water, walking hand in hand with Jesus Himself” This is “how I have learned to LIVE” by faith, not by sight.