I Have Nowhere Else to Go

Pray for me:

I have wrestled endlessly for the truth. To know it, to understand it, to make sense of it. But I am tired now. My mind and heart need rest. I am here to confess that currently, I do not have all the answers. And I am here to confess that I have been struggling to grasp the truth once again. Why? Because I have a mind which picks up on the one thing that does not seem to fit, or seem to line up, or which seems that it does not belong in the Bible. But before you accuse me of pride, saying, “how can you be so arrogant!” Just let me explain what I mean by using this example: Say you bought a brand new C.D. (compact disc) remember those, and you found an itty-bitty surface scratch, smaller than the point of a needle. Now, the rest of the C.D. was spotless, shiny, and perfect, without even a fingerprint on it. In this situation, I myself could only see the tiny scratch and not see the rest of the C.D. It may play perfectly, without error. But as long as I would take out that one C.D. and go to listen to it, ALL I could think about day after day whenever I would grab it to listen was how imperfect it was and therefore, I would not rest until I bought a new one without a tiny scratch. This example is exactly how my brain works when it comes to the Bible. This has been a stumbling block to my faith. This has come about from years of facing what is called “critical scholarship,” those Christian scholars who cast doubt on the Bible, who make a living complicating things through many studies, and from using a purely human perspective. Yes, these individuals have been a thorn in my flesh. And I tackled all of this over and over for years (btw, this is the root of my trauma, which eventually lead to PTSD after so many years of dealing with it, and which stems from O.C.D). But recently it has awakened again. I am asking for prayer, for knowledge from heaven, for God’s wisdom, so as to tear down the wisdom of man.

I don’t know if this makes any sense. But this has tormented me from age 19, until I addressed it, which I did, together with my wife, for 14 years. But I just need a fresh download from heaven, and for my mind to relax and become more flexible, or “fluid” as I like to put it so that I can think clearly once again and separate truth from error by remembering the truth. Thank you for praying. I wrote this for that specific purpose because I need the mercy of God.